Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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