this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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