5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
