Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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