just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize