On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
