I wish my penis had an off switch
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
