I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
