On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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