And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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