sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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