is wine microwaveable?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
