When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
