mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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