Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
