Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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