Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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