i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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