I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
