btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
