I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
