he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
