You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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