I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We are two peas in an std pod
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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