So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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