So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
