Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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