I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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