I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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