My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize