Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
