he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
