actually, I'm a sock model
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize