first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize