one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
