Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
