I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
