Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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