bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
