it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Randomize
