Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
