Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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