i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
