So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
