is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
