I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
