I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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