My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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