hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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