My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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