I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
