Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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