Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
