Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
