I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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