you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
