Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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