Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
