Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize