he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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