fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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