can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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