The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
