I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
