there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize