Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
