I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
