I hate your face
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
