as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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