Dude my mom stole all your condoms
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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