drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
