you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
