Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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