Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize