I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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