using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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