I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize