VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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