Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
