Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
