it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
And then he peed in my hair
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