I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
