Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just high enough for therapy.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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