I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
