I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
